i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
