I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
