dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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