I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
