I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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