Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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