my phone needs a breathalizer
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
