FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
