This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am midnight drunk by noon
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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