i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
