I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
