I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Congratulations! We have a period
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
