new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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