Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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