I hate your face
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
