Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
