yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
