when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
