does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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