He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
