Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
