So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
