and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
