so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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