NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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