Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
