her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
