Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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