yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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