every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
