I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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