Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
