two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
