I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
