By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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