i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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