when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
