How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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