Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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