I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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