Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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