I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
