Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
