and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I love having hate sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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