we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
