i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
