he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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