Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I died a long time ago.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
