i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
