I skipped work to stalk him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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