it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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