YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
