nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
