But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Boobs are out for the taking
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
