lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
