I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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