Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
