Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
