So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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